We need to get out more.

Life has been pretty predictable lately. School, work, church, the usual. We like it that way! We're happy! But I began suspecting we might need a little bit more social interaction a couple weeks ago when both my husband and I had no idea who this Kardashian girl was that everyone was talking about. Don't worry. We looked her up on Wikipedia. Reality show, big wedding, quick divorce. Got it. Not too bad. But then that Friday for our date night we got all dressed up and went into our own kitchen to cook dinner. That's when I really started to worry. So thankfully we had a great visit this weekend from our cousins Chris and Cheyenne who we can always count on to spice things up. We played a game called "Loaded Questions" which is a hilarious round of inappropriate inquiries such as : "If you had to get a tattoo on your butt, what would it say?" or "What is the grossest thing you have ever done in public?" or "If you had to create your own deodorant what would you name it?" It led to a long night of laughing and embarrassing stories and reminded me of an experience I had a couple years ago that frankly just needs to be documented. Enjoy.

Finals week 2009, its almost Christmas break and I am spending the last few days in the library before I head home to Texas for some refuge from my dating life. At this current moment, Evan and I are broken up...for the third or fourth time. And this one was "for good". It had happened right before Thanksgiving and I had come back totally committed to staying away from him forever. Enter 5 whole kleenex boxes/ week. Yeah, really awesome goal eh?

Anyway. I was meeting Kirsten in the library (who has single handedly gotten me through nursing school!) to finish studying for ______ (insert class name here, no memory of that part. You are about to see why.) We usually stay parked on the third floor of the library, but after clocking in so many hours in so few days, you just need a change of pace. She got there before me and headed to the second floor for some fresher air. The music floor. They play classical tunes overhead, so calming, so peaceful. Well, usually. I walk down the stairs and spot her at a table sitting right next to....Evan Fox?? What? This is impossible. Would she do that to me? I immediately break out into a sweat.And let me clarify. I'm not talking about glistening here people. I'm talking full-on-soaking-wet-just-finished-cycling-class type sweat. I mean by the time I made it to the table my my shirt was drenched down to my elbows. Literally. That's got to be some kind of record. I rush to sit down with my back to him and hiss at her for choosing this spot. She didn't see him before she sat down, she promised! And then after she made eye contact with him, she couldn't get up and leave, everything would be so obvious! Uhg. Well clearly at this point studying is out of the question. And now he knows I'm here. The back of my head can only be disguising for so long. So I realize I have to go talk to him. We promised we'd be "friends" right? Gag. Why is that some stupid break up rule anyway? Casual glance down at my shirt to check the sweating status... yikes. If there was ever a day to wear black, it would have been today. I literally cannot face him like this. But the awkward tension is getting palpable. So I make the decision any mature adult would make. I get up and run to the girls bathroom.

Safely inside... all I can think about is my soaking wet shirt. I must be dehydrated by this point. Oh, I know! I'll just stand underneath the hand dryers. that should take care of it. Fail, this bathroom only has paper towels. Come on BYU don't you know we're all going green here? Get with the program. Idea #2. Soak up the sweat with toilet paper. I throw open the stall door and start stuffing it under my arms. No no, this is going to take forever! He'll be gone before it even dries an inch! Okay, idea #3. All the sudden I am topless in the girls bathroom frantically waving my shirt around above my head like a maniac to get the air flowing through and dry it off. Did it ever cross my mind that this is a public restroom? That perhaps one other person out of the 30,000 + students on this campus may also need to use the bathroom at this time as well? No way. This was my own little sanctuary. And luckily by the grace of heaven no one else did walk in. They would have gotten a real show. Explaining that incident to the honor code office would have been a real doosey.

So approximately ten minutes later, I finally exit the bathroom. Don't worry. It worked. Got my shirt dried off and confidently walked over to my "friend" and had a nice little chat. Not sure if he noticed I'd been in there forever, but by that point I didn't really have any pride left anyway. I'd say its safe to assume we both bombed our finals that night, whatever they were.


And in answer to the deodorant question... I still can't come up with a name for it. All I know is, whoever thought of "Secret" obviously never ran into an ex while wearing it.


IN OTHER NEWS!
We have a winner for Project Thankful!
Mrs. Katie Hyde
She finished the entire list in three days except for the one about verbally thanking a service man or woman. Talk about grateful! Thanks for participating Katie! Your prize will be arriving soon :)
For those of you still playing, don't quit! I still have 12 left so you're probably ahead of me.

Comments

  1. This is the best story ever!!! I love it!

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  3. Ha oh man. I love this story. I may or may not totally relate to it...

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  4. I'm so glad you posted this! I laugh hysterically every time...
    And if it makes you feel any better, I had to look up Miss Kardashian on Wikipedia too...

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