From one to two

Just going on record to say... this whole "doubling the number of kids we have" thing is harder than I thought it would be.

In the weeks before Cosette was born I started a scripture study on "mothering" to remind myself why it's really awesome to be 9 months pregnant....and if you've ever been 9 months pregnant you'll know why I needed that reminder. I wanted a place to record all the quotes and scriptures I found for days like last week when, in the single hour left before bedtime, Winston got into Evan's black shoe polish, belly flopped on top of Cosette, and then slid Evan's credit cards in between the glass and metal of the oven door while it was heated to 350 degrees. He is exhausting me with stunts like finger painting with his own poop multiple times a day, trying to escape bedtime by jumping out of his second story window, and shoving car wash tokens into my CD player so that it no longer works. Having a {beautiful, precious, cuddly} newborn who needs to eat or be held constantly and who also finds sleep unnecessary has left me less capable of preventing or patiently disciplining all such disasters. Heaven forbid I even think about finishing my thank you notes or cleaning my house which hasn't seen a mop in a month. Luckily last week after three tear inducing days in a row of trying to do things like nurse the baby in one arm while making bread with the other, God sent me some angels. My mother, who {among other things} let me cry to her on Facetime, and my sweet husband who came home from work early so I could just take a nap and go for a run. My sister-in-law made an impromptu visit and told me it really is a hard adjustment but also that its perfectly fine and normal for me to feel overwhelmed. My best friend brought me my favorite meal for lunch and promised me that even though I feel like I'm not myself right now because I can't do the things I normally would {like recreate all the food from the Giant's stadium to make Evan feel like he's at the World Series} that I will do those things again. Really. And later my relief society president sent her husband to my front door with dinner because she had "made too much and thought we could use it." That made me cry for the fourth day in a row, but tears of gratitude this time.

I love being a mom and I am incredibly grateful for the beautiful, precious children God has sent to our home. But, the last month, and more intensely the last week, have emphasized to me  "that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction." {Elder Ballard Daughters of God} Through the emotional roller coaster of the first 6 postpartum weeks, there have been moments I wanted 8 more kids and moments I wanted to never be pregnant again. I read in 1 Timothy 2:15 "Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."  And I have been encouraged by these beautiful words. I remembered that all the worthwhile things I have done in my life, like nursing school, or race training, have brought me moments where I really truly struggled. It didn't mean there was something wrong with me or that I'd made a mistake in my pursuits, it was just a chance for me to gain perspective and strength. This has been an opportunity for me to do that in my"mothering". "In the best of times and the worst of times the true Saints of God, acting in faith, have never forgotten, dismissed, or neglected God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth." {Elder Andersen Children} I have a beautiful life full of blessings, I just simply had a really hard week so that God could remind me that "[Jesus] took a his arms [and] he said ... Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name recieveth me"

And how lucky am I because now I've received two.

We're still adjusting :)


  1. It IS hard. And you ARE amazing. And it DOES get easier. I promise!

  2. Yep, that transition rocked me too! It took a good 6 months before I felt normal and productive instead of just surviving! Hang in there! You are a great momma!

  3. Oh boy I'm in for it. I appreciate the warning, maybe it's OK if the baby doesn't come out for a little while longer. Hang in there :)

  4. Thank you for admitting it is hard. Most moms I talked to never had quite a hard time with 2 as I did, and I feel for you. I can't believe you're running! What a trooper. Hang in there. By month 9, I felt like I finally had somewhat of a schedule.


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