So I have been a 100% "Stay At Home Mom" for about 8 months now and it took me a while to fully grasp the concept due to a cross country move and Evan's job change, but I think I've finally got it figured out. As far as I can tell, here's what "SAHM" actually stands for:
*Selfie Advocating Hustler/ Marketer
When you become a stay at home mom, your phone space will be consumed by pictures of your children and your social media feeds will be consumed by Multi level marketing Schemes. Lularoe, Lipsense, Younique, Mary Kay, Scentsy, Usborne books, there are just a plethora of dare we say unnecessary products to choose from? Get ready to Facebook party like never before.
* Sweats, Athletic-wear, & House-robe Model
Runway shows on the daily- by invitation only with special appearances for those unlucky solicitors and delivery people who knock on my door before 2 PM.
*Small Anatomy and Heartache Medic
It's truly impressive the ways they find to injure themselves, all the calamities just cannot be avoided! However they could be decreased if I could remember to cut their damn fingernails once in a while...
*Semi Adept Husband Masseuse
Why can I scrub out the laundry stains and the crusty dishes all day long, but suddenly cramp up after five minutes of pushing on his trapezius?
*Stuffed Animal Herding Machine
Can someone please start a go fund me account for the secret removal and incineration of all unloved plush toys? The hamper, the hammock, and the bunk beds have no more vacancies.
*Snack And Health-food Magician
Can I offer you a kale-chia-seed-quinoa-beet popsicle? Just kidding have some more gold fish and fruit snacks.
* Softcover And Hardcover Mechanic
Somehow I never foresaw taping quite so many pages back together...
*Snuggle, Affection, & Healing Minister
Don't you dare turn down a 2 year olds "hold you?"
*Silly Anthems Harmonizer/Musician
Is anyone else's child unable to wash her hair without a theme song?
*Slightly Apathetic House Maid
I mean... I could clean it now that they're sleeping...but then who would watch this episode of The Crown...
*Sunshine And Happiness Maker
Okay let's see... pillow fight, couch cushion fort, watercolors, bubble battles... oh and yep it's still raining outside.
*Stray And Hidden-item Master
Blast you tiny Lego man sword!
*Small Adorable Human Manufacturer
It seems I came with narcissistic hard-wiring, but I can't help the obsession with seeing my own face in miniature form and must continue to reproduce. But seriously I only need like three more....